The year 2024 took an unexpected and challenging turn for me. Within six months, I underwent five operations and numerous medical procedures, becoming a regular at the emergency room. I battled sepsis twice within 45 days, experienced temperatures of 105 degrees on two occasions, and came close to death due to severe kidney problems and complications from past cancer treatments. Today, I face significant hearing loss in both ears and wear hearing aids. I monitor my irregular heartbeat with a watch, cannot engage in rigorous exercise, and often sit at the back of the church because of bladder issues. My doctors have told me that my body will never be the same due to the trauma it has endured this year.
Despite being a faithful Christian, I am not ashamed to admit that there were moments and days when doubt and depression settled in.
Yet, through it all, I have unwavering faith in the power of prayer because God responded to my pleas with what I truly needed—more of Him and more of His sustaining grace. This grace does not bring immediate relief or shield me from future pain, but it sustains me, especially in the darkest moments.
In the darkness, God said yes to having a catheter for months at a time.
In the darkness, God said yes to severe skin rashes and painful pustules.
In the darkness, God said yes to living with one healthy kidney instead of two.
All because He was refining me and sustaining me there.
Prayer taught me that God is more concerned with my character than my comfort. He wants me to prioritize the spiritual over the circumstantial. Prayer redirects my focus from my circumstances to the God who cares deeply and loves me fiercely.
As a human, I still long for the pain and discomfort to end… soon.
It is certainly not my first choice to be held through the pain, even by God, and sustained by His Grace. I desire deliverance… the sooner, the better. Yet, prayer reminds me that it is not about getting what I want, but about receiving what I desperately need—more of Him.
I am learning that prayer keeps me yearning to be kept by Him, as it reminds me that He truly knows what is best. That is why I am slowly learning to listen and let Him speak first when I pray.
One of my favorite scriptures emerging from this chapter in my life is, “Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust” (Psalm 16:1).
I believe in prayer because it reminds me that I need to be kept by Him, and I want to be kept by Him. My new hope in prayer is not to change what God has planned for me, but to be sustained within His perfect plan.
After all, He does know better.
Aubrey Woodfolk
